In my 3 years of shooting boudoir full time there is always a very important person involved in the shoot that I rarely see myself. The husband.
After we go through our phone consultation and give our client all the information regarding the session, the experience and the investment we get quite a few ladies who say "I need to talk to my husband about this." When we hear this we know immediately the husband is never going to understand the value of what we do. He might go for it, but strictly because he wants to see his wife happy and spoil her. The value of what we're doing though and what it does emotionally for a woman will usually bypass his thought process.
At the end of the day, after everything has been explained and laid out this is what each person will see...
The wife, who typically goes to her normal day job and has been focused on her kids, after school activities, and family is going to get a day for herself. She's going to have her makeup and hair professionally done. She's going to look and feel fabulous. She's going to wear her sexy lingerie and have photos taken that will look better than any selfie she's ever taken of herself. She's going to look like a sexy Victoria's Secret Model with just a little effort, and have these gorgeous, jaw dropping images that make her feel like the most beautiful girl in the entire world. She can show a few to her best girl friends and stare at them for hours just admiring herself and feeling unstoppable!
The husband will see some nice "pics", and money out of his bank account.
While we all have body issues and it's not just women who deal with insecurities, the level of frustration and constant desire to love our bodies fully is not something men get because they don't live with it day to day like we do.
I recently read an E-book called "Make Him Worship You" by relationship expert Michael Fiore. It's a program to help women understand the male psyche and have the romantic relationship they've always dreamed of...
I am 28 and single, do not judge me...
In it Michael discusses how men grow up with certain ideas about what it means to be a man ingrained into their mind. Being tough and having money.
"A lot of women have a hard time understanding just how potent this primal driving force is to a man. And look, I totally get that – I mean, we’ve all HEARD that ‘men are providers’. But what most women struggle to comprehend is that this stuff isn’t just a mild preference for guys. It’s a burdensome DRIVE that MUST be fulfilled – like hunger, thirst, or the need for sleep – and that same drive won’t let us rest until we fulfill it completely... Over dinner last night, I decided to ask my amazing wife about the ‘female equivalent’ of the male obsession with earning and providing; and she told me the closest ‘female equivalent’ is probably (as she puts it) ‘the relentless anxiety most women feel about their bodies.’
'It doesn’t matter how old we are, how young we are, how pretty we might’ve felt yesterday, or even what our friends and parents say to reassure us,” she said. “To every single woman I know, we don’t just ‘want’ to look good and have a hot body; we feel like we NEED to.'"
Just like Michael talks about we as women believing this desire to provide is just a mild preference, men believe that this desire in us to feel good about our bodies is just a mild preference. Men get buying a brand new 4-wheel drive pick-up. They get spending money on things that are going to make them "the man". They get buying a $4,000 suit to wear in the office. They get investing money in things that tell all the other guys they're the top-dog. That's where their internal desire lies. Having these things mean so much to them because they build up to helping him be the strong successful man he is constantly striving to be. And we get that those things are "nice", but we as women don't see the point of spending that much money on them. It's because we value things differently.
If you genuinely want to do a boudoir session, briefly explaining the process to your husband is not a way he will ever understand what doing this will mean to you. You will not get an educated answer regarding if this is something you should do for yourself, and if it is worth the investment.
Does that mean you shouldn't consult with him at all? Of course not. Consult with him, but make sure he understands why you want to do this for yourself. That this isn't just about pictures. That this is a much deeper and meaningful experience for you. You have this internal desire to feel beautiful and confident and you deserve to feel like a gorgeous woman, just like you know he deserves to feel like a strong and powerful man.
Get Make Him Worship You by Michael Fiore
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