Why Your Boyfriend Doesn't Deserve Your Boudoir Photos
There is a multitude of reasons why a woman would come in for a boudoir session. Some come in as a gift for their fiancé, some come in because they're addicted to being photographed in a sensual and fabulous way, and others come for a revenge shoot. A revenge shoot is when a woman has recently broken up with a man who was either controlling, manipulative, abusive, or all 3. She's embracing her new found freedom and commitment to learning how to love herself again despite how hard the man she was with tried to bring her down.
Sometimes, these women are also using their shoot as a way to say "f*ck you" to a man who didn't want her to do a boudoir shoot in the first place. It's something he wouldn't "let" her do, and now that she's free of him she's ready to take full control of her own life. It's incredibly empowering!
A client came in a few days ago expressing that she wanted to do a revenge shoot. Her boyfriend wouldn't let her do a session and now that she was free she was excited to take the plunge. It got me thinking though about stories I'd heard from other boudoir photographers about men not wanting their girl friend to go through with a boudoir shoot due to their own insecurities. Situations where a woman would go in for her session, and fall in love with all her beautiful photos. She'd walk out with a monumental amount of confidence, brimming with excitement, and tell her boyfriend because she couldn't keep it in; just to end up broken hearted and begging her photographer to refund them and delete every single photo because her doing a shoot had "caused problems at home". I hoped this would never happen to me.
Women are intelligent. Boudoir is an investment. You're not paying for pictures... you're paying for a trustworthy professional photographer to take photos of you in an intimate way, in a private setting, that are flattering and beautiful. If you find the right photographer, who will respect your wishes as to what is done with the photos, and you've agreed upon what will be done with them there should be no issue. If you feel confident and beautiful and happy with yourself after your shoot and your man makes you feel guilty think to yourself, why? 99 times out of 100 it's his own insecurities. It's not the woman's fault. These photos are for you. They belong to you, even when it comes to women who took them as a gift.
I thought to myself after hearing stories like this as to how I would respond if a woman messaged me begging me to delete the photos (or if her husband messaged me telling me to delete the photos) because her doing a boudoir session had "caused problems at home". What would be a good policy for this sort of situation? After some long hard thinking, this is what I came up with, and is now an official Eye Candy Policy...
The first thing he would have to do is come to my studio and view all of her final photos, to see the quality and how beautiful they were for himself. After that if he were to insist that the photos still be deleted he would have to apologize... First, to the woman he's with, for taking a beautiful day where she felt happy and amazing in her body and making her feel guilt and shame simply because of his own insecurities.
Second, to me, for disrespecting me and all the hard work and time I spent creating these wonderful photos for her to help her feel good about herself, and insisting I erase it all.
Third, to himself, for being so insecure, manipulative, and controlling that he needed to tear down his partners happiness just to keep his own ego afloat, and petty fears that the woman he is dating might see herself as worthwhile and realize that maybe she really doesn't need him to feel validated.
I recognize that some people might think this is punishing the girlfriend, rather than making it easier on her to just bow to his demands... I think of it more as teaching a weak man how to be strong one way or another. Either by accepting his partner is an independent woman who should have these photos because they make her happy, or accepting the responsibility and terms that come with getting what he wants...even if it means admitting outright to her what the photos would show her anyway, that she is worth more than he deserves.
Prisma Paz https://www.facebook.com/makeupbyprisma/